To One of The Boys I Loved Before: Imprinted Smurf

 

You happened like so many of my TATB happen: one look at the very wrong moment at the very worst time, and I imprinted on you. I know it was that day, I'm just not sure it was the stage first before the lobby, but it happened, and I've lugged this baggage around on and off for close on two years now.

Maybe what makes you so un-eraseable, even despite all the times I seemed to have shaken you off my heart, is the knowledge deep down that you're beyond my reach, always have been, now will forever be. I just knew deep down that you never even knew I existed that way. I just never crossed your radar. The thought never even strayed within that universe and your mind would never even be able to fathom it: you with me? Unimaginable.

I liked you first because you looked so much like a sweet cuddly Smurf, sans the blue. You had me with that first glimpse. Then, I thought I didn't much like your social persona, but I think that was probably more about people flocking around you, probably being drawn to you same as I was. But unlike me, retreating, a fish out of the social waters, they swarmed in close and I only saw this picture. Well, whether or not that phase was the real you or just the face some sharks and pressure made you to wear, it all doesn't matter now because I lost yet again, and you've become another One I Loved Before.

Despite the shark infested phase though, you remained sweet and thoughtful and considerate, and I think that's the bit of you I'll always remember, not the social shark or the imprinted Smurf.

The sweetest and most painful part both, is the fact that I'm so full of happiness and contentment for you because I always knew you deserved to be happy, you deserved the best. And if not with me, then with someone who brings all the love and beauty and sunshine and beauty into your life because that is what I want for you. That is why I wanted you.