Silly Songs we used to sing!

This post is dedicated specially to my friend from way back, Nonye Nnachukwu who loved to call me Zogbese Lisa! (can't remember why). She always had these hillarious songs (goodness knows where she learnt them) and we all had some really goofy times singing them! Nonye, if you ever get to read this, I want to say Thank you! for those beautiful memories...

I like to call this first one 'Family Matters'. You'll find out why soon!
Johnny was a Boy,
About 30 or more,
who wanted to marry a Girl of his own.
He found a pretty Girl,
who suited him fine
and went to his father to seek for advice.
His Father said "Son, I must tell you this,
that is your sister but your Mama don't know!"
Oh what is this?!
Shame has come into the family!
He found another Girl,
who suited him fine
and went to his father to seek for advice.
His father said "Son, I must tell you this,
that is your Auntie but your GrandMa don't know!"

Oh what is this?!

Shame has come into the family!

So, Johnny was a boy with a broken heart,

who still wanted to marry a Girl of his own.

He found another Girl,

who suited him fine

and he went to his mother to seek for advice.

His mother said "Son, I must tell you this,

Papa's not your papa but your papa don't know!"

Oh what is this?!

Shame has come into the family!

So Johnny was a boy,

with a confused head,

so he went to their old Doctor,

to seek for advice.

The Doctor said "Son, I must tell you this,

Mama's not your Mama but your Mama don't know!!!"

Madam Go Home!!!

This next one, we used to act out, kinda like a dance drama and you can't imagine the laughs we got out of that!

The setting is that of a party and there's a couple dancing and having a good time. Someone walks up to them and speaks with the woman:

Madam go home,

your husband is ill!

If he is ill, 

then get him some drugs!

(Her dance partner starts to leave and she calls him back)

No, no, no!!! come back dear friend,

just one more dance,

then I'll go home to my poor husband,

then I'll go home to my poor husband!

Madam go home, 

your husband is worse!

If he is worse,

then get him a nurse!

No, no, no!!! come back dear friend,

just one more dance,

then I'll go home to my poor husband,

then I'll go home to my poor husband!

Madam go home,

your husband is dead!

If he is dead,

there's not much to be done!

No, no, no!!! come back dear friend,

just one more dance,

then I'll go home to my poor husband,

then I'll go home to my poor husband!

Madam go home,

the will is to be read!

(In shock)What did you say?!

I said the will is to be read!!!

(Tearfully) No, no, no!!! No more dear friend,

I can't dance no more,

I must go home to my poor husband,

I must go home to my poor husband!

The Girl Next Door

Jenny was the Girl who lived next door,

about 15 or 16 or more,

she wrote him a note one day,

this is what Jenny had to say:

Johnny, Johnny wait for me,

I'll grow up someday you'll see,

saving my kisses up for you,

signed with love forever more!

Johnny took a trip to the house next door,

to see Jenny and talk to her,

but her tears were like rain that day,

when she heard what he had to say:

Jenny, Jenny please don't cry,

you'll forget me by and by,

you are 15 I'm 25,

Jenny I can't wait for you!

Johnny took a trip from his little home town,

to find a job and settle down,

but his mind kept going back,

to what Jenny had to say:

Johnny, Johnny wait for me,

I'll grow up someday you'll see,

saving my kisses up for you,

signed with love forever more!

So Johnny took a trip back to his little home town,

to find Jenny and talk to her,

but his tears were like rain that day,

when he heard what she had to say:

Johnny, Johnny please don't cry,

you'll forget me by and by,

It's been 6 years since you left,

and I'm married to your best friend Joe!"

Yuck, dunno what to call this one!

Mummy! Mummy!! Mummy!!!

There's something in my nappy,

It's soft and brown!

I can't sit down!

If I sit I'll squash it

and you will have to wash it,

It's soft and brown! 

I can't sit down!!!

Tom Marvolo Riddle - I am Lord Voldermot!!!

I love those books as in... Okay, conclude that mine is a chronic case of a child stuck in an adult's body, it won't change the fact that I love the Harry Porter books! I've read all seven of them over and over and over and I so CAN'T wait for the last movie to hit the cinemas! I really do solemnly declare that I'm up to no good!!!
I'm so sure I've casted all the spells at least once, even the dreaded avdacadabra...just try driving in Lagos, if it's not the okadas, it has to be Lastma!!! lol!!!
Well, Voldermot ain't my favourite character, and just like in the fairytales, you get to fall in love with the prince and hate the dragon. Voldy most def is the dragon here! Thing is, despite all that, he still fascinates me 'cos, as much as I hate to admit it, even to myself, I see a bit of myself in him, especially in his dark fractured soul...
Just like he had split his soul so many times, I feel like a part of  me has been broken up in a dozen pieces or more and much like him, I feel like I'm begining to loose myself in bits. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the outside, observing too many different people who are all meant to be me and passively, I'm watching me come apart at the seams. I feel torn in too many directions and my mind is constantly being grabbed by so many things that keep demanding my attention. In effect, I'm never really anywhere, I just float above it all like a ghost, nothing seems real, tangible, concrete.
I feel like I've been split too many times (atleast, Voldy stopped at seven) and I think too many people and too many things have taken with them too many pieces of me and too many people and too many things are demanding too jmany pieces more.Now, I don't feel quite right, in fact, I don't feel like anything atall!!! Like Voldy was cold and ruthless and void of human feelings (infact, he stopped being human), I'm feeling void too. I feel like the Tin man with no heart, on his way to Oz to find his heart. or was it to the west? can't really remember! Before I can process one thought fully, another claims my mind and lately, I've been catching myself with half finished thoughts without a clue about how or from where they came about and most def without a conclusion to them!
You don't know how much I wished I was writing about the Pearly Gates and Golden streets with Angels singing Halleluia, and not this - what do I call it?! - but I feel like I'm lost in this dark abys and all I see is darkness. Is this how hell is?! Believe me, you don't want to go there then! This torture of the mind is a million times w2orse than any torture fire can do to the body, it sure beats being stuck in a pit filled with wall geckos! Ahhh...what I would do for a glimpse of Heaven right now...
There is only darkness and confussion here, that is my bitter reality. I am Lord Voldermot



Okay, time to clear things up! Big Yes, I love the Harry Porter books, Bigger Yes, I've read them a million times and would probably do so a million more! Yesssssss I've watched all the movies and so can't wait for the last one. About being anything at all like Voldermot...hmmmnnn...not sure...I'll give it a good think and probably write about it soon, lol!!!

Mind Shifter!!!

The silly Okada guy was making cat-calls at me, lewd ones at that. My mind desperately willed him to stop, not just because he was embarrassing me and was being outright rude, it was more for his own safety. I was beginning to get really angry, which isn’t so hard these days, no matter how much I try not to. I didn’t know which emotion was fiercer, my anger or my fear for him because I knew just what I was capable of doing to him if he pushed me beyond reason. I was a woman crazed enough to want to kill her own mind, God knows what I would have done to him...


Like a person who has told so many lies and wound a web so intricate and complicated that she can’t even remember what the truth was to start with, I’ve been so many different people in this little-big mind of mine and I’m not sure I’m sure what is really me and what is not. Just like the Shape Shifter in Heroes, I’m what you could call a Mind Shifter. All he needs is any part of you carrying your DNA and he’s you! I don’t need no DNA, I can get into your mind and pick just that tiny bit of you, just a wispy fleeting thought, and I can shift and re-arrange my mind, make me think like you, relieve your memories, see your innermost fears and your darkest secrets. In a moment, I can strip you to your core and see right into your very soul.

If I handed you a loaded gun, I know you wouldn’t go off and rob a bank, rather, you would pop that guy she dumped you for. Oh, you didn’t realise that’s what your sub-conscious has been dreaming up? How ironic, I know you even better than you know yourself! If she’d agreed to go out with you, you would have taken what you wanted and done the dumping. Good, I can see you know yourself that much at least! I know about that weekend when you were 13 and you hid all those geckos under your sister’s pillow, I know what you told that guy about his girlfriend, and how you were such a good shoulder to cry on when he broke up with her, I know your brother has that limp because you rigged his bicycle, the bicycle that should have been yours anyway, and that first class, how you really got it is a secret between us, right? I know how much you want that car, you’re even willing to, you know, go the extra mile, you’ve been hacking into her profile on facebook and sending nasty messages to her friends, I know what your first thought was when we first met, I know very well that you still hold a grudge over that guy, all the way back in year two! I know just what you’re thinking right now as you’re reading this....

Alas, just like Sylar, who had been so many people that his body started to get confused and he grew an extra tooth that didn’t belong in his present mouth, I think my mind is beginning to get fractured, cracking up into a million shapeless pieces, reflecting distorted images of who I’m meant to be! Or maybe I got into one wrapped and twisted mind too many! Now I wish I could just tell my mind to shut up and stop jabbering so loud and so fast! I feel like it has developed a million voices and they’re raising a raucous in my not so pretty head! That is until they all suddenly fall silent and there is that deadly, sinister quiet, the quiet in which lie the monsters...

The pop-corn girl at the cinemas was curt with me the other day. I wonder what part of my mind, or rather, which one of them asked her to grab the hot metal popper with her bare hands. I’m sure it wasn’t even the same one that made her keep her tight hold even when the air got filled with the acrid smell of burning flesh and her screams. And the inhuman laughter that filled my head? Who was that? I can’t actually remember making the conscious thought but the pesky guy who was thrusting the pair of jeans in my face at Ojuelegba jumped in front of the moving bus! And the woman selling fish? She started to eat the fish raw. What did she do oh?! Can’t really remember, she must have abused me for pricing the fish too low. I admit that I made him slap her, right there in front of everybody. She shouldn’t have been so smug with me. I was going to tell her I was sorry later, but then I blanked out and the next thing I knew was that she was tearing off her own clothes, right there in front of Jaja! I swear, I didn’t do that, honest! I don’t know what happened! I really didn’t make my aunt pour the boiling water on my cousin, really I didn’t, even though she’s been pissing me off lately! Oh God, what’s happening to me?! I’m not any of this, believe me, I’m the sweet girl next door! All of this, every single thing just isn’t me! I wonder if there’s even still any part of me left!

So, this morning, I jumped on the next bus that passed by, not caring where it was going, I just had to get away from the Okada guy before I... then I noticed the conductor ogling me openly! Before his lips formed the words, I read his mind. Before I completed the thought, he jumped...

The Theory of Relativity

This is no Physics class but...


What exactly is Happiness? Is it the absence of sadness? If it is, then what do you call the feeling you get when you’re not sad but you’re not happy either? You know, when you’re not getting that, what do I call it, bubbly feeling people often associate with happiness? So, what if I’m felling zilch! Nothing! What is it then? How do you define happiness? Does it depend on the absence of sadness or does sadness in turn depend on the absence of happiness? So if I’m not sad, does it mean I’m happy? What if I’m just a little sad even though I’m happy? Does the presence of that little sadness cancel out the happiness or does the happiness cancel out the sadness? Is there anything like sitting on the fence, like being equally sad and happy at the same time? How do I know that I am truly happy or even extremely sad?!

What if I don’t like the girl next door, does it then mean that I dislike her? Isn’t it possible to ‘not like’ her without disliking her? If I don’t really enjoy hanging out with her or can’t call her my pall, then I guess that means I don’t like her, or rather, I ‘not-like’ her, it doesn’t mean I dislike her as in can’t stand the sight of her or feel like screaming when she laughs! So, what name do I call this emotion, this ‘not liking’ without ‘disliking’ my neighbour?!

So, you say I’m fat, well you’re skinny!!! But then, the pretty gal in our class is so NOT fat, but I can’t call her skinny! So what is she? Slim, you say, so define slim. You say slim is not so fat and not so slim, but what makes me fat? ‘cos I’m not skinny?! Okay, so the skinny girl had a little-big tummy! So what does that make her? And the fat boy had spindly legs! Hmmmnnn, she’s a size 14 but has a perfectly flat tummy and a shape to die for! Well me, I’m not fat!!!! How dare you call me that?! Even if I try to console myself with the fact that I’m a size 8, I bet Victoria Becham would consider me fat! Who set the rules anyway?! Touchy topic, let’s just leave it there!

What exactly does it mean to be rich? Does it mean not being poor? Or does it just mean having enough to live comfortably? In that case, what then is the definition of ‘enough’ or ‘comfortable’? does it stop at having 1 car each for you and your wife plus a duplex big enough for each of the kids to have a room? If I think I’m ‘rich’ with 3 rides, the other guy with 4 might think me poor in comparison. What then defines being rich or being poor? The absence of the other?

What if I really don’t love you, does it mean I hate you? What do you call that feeling that is neither love nor hatred? So, at what point can I say I stopped hating you and started to love you? But what if I never hated you to start with? That then means that love isn’t the absence of hatred! Besides, I could love you just a bit even though I hate you so bad!!!

When can I say our relationship has stopped being sweet and has become bitter? Isn’t there a place where it’s neither sweet nor bitter, like it’s just there?! Don’t tell me it’s ‘bitter-sweet’ ‘cos that would mean it’s a little sweet and a little bitter at the same time. What I’m asking here is what you call it when it’s neither of both!

So I’m not Agbani Darego, neither am I Omowunmi Akinifesi, but that most def does not make me ugly!!! Yeah, yeah, I’m not drop dead gorgeous or a traffic stopper, but then, I’m no ogre! So what’s the defining line? I’m not beautiful, neither am I ugly, what do you call me then? P;retty? Well, that would have been okay but for just one problem, I don’t think I would make even page two ofr the Sun Newspaper!!! But hey, I’M NOT UGLY!!! I’m just not pretty or beautiful! So, what am I?

Big question: Is feeling in the dumps such a bad thing?! Woke up this morning in the pits and I actually put down 7 different articles today alone! Yeah, you got that right, my pen didn’t pause all day and the thoughts kept flowing when I haven’t put down a single dot in over a month! Talk about a good and effective cure for writer’s block!!!

Thank God someone gave ‘Grey’ a name! But, come to think of it, there are several shades of grey; plenni’o’ white with just a pinch ‘o’ black, all blacky-black with almost no white, what makes it grey? Or at what point does it stop being grey but all black?!

Phew! And here I was, thinking that all the Mack Plancks and Einsteins of the world were very complicated guys!!!

Silly Things I still do!

I love Choco Milo! Hmmmmmmmnnnnnn, yummy, chocolatey cubes of ecstacy!!! The other day, I bought a whole packet (God bless Yem-Yem!) and I cuddled up with a novel until my fingers touched the bottom of the packet! Thank God it was late in the night by then, else, I would have gone out fir a re-fill!


I still watch cartoons and they still capture my entire mind; Pinkie and The Brain, Adventures of Teddy Rocksped, the whole Walt Disney thingy, Inspector Gadget, Justice League, Secret Squirrel, Danger Mouse, Super Ted, name it! They still hold me spell bound and when I’m into one, I’m lost to the world!

If I can get my hands on any Enid Blyton books, omo, I’ll stay up all night till I finish them! Gee, I still catch myself day-dreaming about my adventures with the Famous Five, flying away on the Flying Chair, being one of the toys in the nursery with Amelia Jane, the Three Gollies and the spinning top, visiting the Enchanted Woods and The Magic Faraway Tree, gee, I remember Moon Face, The Angry Pixie, The Saucepan Man, Dame Wash-a-lot, the Snoozy Goon, the pixies, brownies, gnomes and goblins. A part of me still hopes to see a fairy one day...

I still love to break up my wafers length-wise and scrape off the filling with my teeth! Gosh, I know that is so, so silly, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it!

I still love my Teddies! There really are some things you CAN’T grow out of!!! I wonder what my Niece and Nephew will think of Aunt Tope!

I still catch myself avoiding mirrors during thunderstorms! Can’t really remember what they told us would happen if you looked in a mirror and lightening struck, but that particular superstition stuck.

I still sub-consciously say in my mind “Thank You God, thank you Daddy, thank you Mummy, foolish satan” before meals. Some habits die hard!

Despite all the science classes I’ve taken, all the exams I’ve sweated through and all the books I’ve read, I still like to believe that stars are bugs stuck in the sky. That kinda makes life a lot less complicated, right?!

I most definitely still avoid sticking out my hands in the rain. As kids, we were told that if we did and thunder struck, our fingers would become gnarled! I know that’s ridiculous, but it sure doesn’t stop me from shuddering at the thought...

I still crush my biscuit to powder in its packet (gosh, I miss the round Okin!) with the heel of my hand, then I pinch a corner of the packet and suck the biscuit-powder out through it. As always, I end up with a gooey paste around the little opening which I usually scrape out with my finger. Hmmmnnnnn...the gooey saliva-biscuit paste is usually the best part of it! (You can bet I don’t ever let anyone see me doing this!!!)

I still do calculations on my left palm with my pen! That awful habit didn’t die out in primary five! And when I’m lost in thought, I still paint my nails with my pen!

I still misplace my earrings and sometimes forget to put them on in the mornings. Maybe like my mother did all those years ago, I should stop buying Tope new ones...

I still pull out my chewing gum as far as it will stretch and then slop it back into my mouth with my tongue!

I still like to make ‘drinking-garri’ out of eba and cold water rather than eat the eba, yuck!

I still believe I’m the rider of the Blue Lion in Voltron...

I still believe Yellow is the ‘fine girl’ and Blue is the ‘fine boy’ and Pink is the ‘bad girl’ who wants to snatch Blue from Yellow and that Red is her wicked, scheming mother! (for me as a kid, all the colors had their own personalities and were super-heroes and villains!)

I still pick my nose, even though I don’t eat the goo like I used to as a kid!!! (I can’t believe I just wrote that!)

Well, I don’t actually believe in the Tooth Fairy or the Boogey Man any more, but I know for sure that God and the devil are real, I know with a certainty that Angels and demons exist and that there is Heaven and hell...