Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wondered what it would have been like if you were here and we could celebrate your Birthday! We would have made it awesome in our own way!

We would have stayed up real late last night gisting, you know now, all those ‘man’ gists *wink* although they would have been well, ‘grown-up kinda man-gist’, we would have talked about plans, getting married, settling down, our fairy tale weddings, then we would have thought up silly names for our kids, talked about silly stuff, important stuff, impossible stuff…sigh. Then we would play dress up with all the silly stuff I brought from Nigeria that I can’t wear here, then we would listen to our favourite songs, then maybe sneak downstairs for a mid-night snack! Then we would sleep in real late, laze around while your phone rang non-stop. Then we would have had a junkful breakfast, two sweet-toothed junkies!!!! ;D Then we would get ready to hit the streets and as always, you would have looked gorgeous, you always did, no matter what you had on! I can imagine us getting on the train, you would have been mischievous while still managing to keep a straight face and I on the other hand would look so embarrassed that everyone would think I was the one playing tricks! Then we would hit the shops, window-shopping for the most part ‘cos I’m a really broke-assed chick right now, buh it would have been a blast anyway! Then maybe we would go to pizza hut or mac donalds or where ever for whatever! We would take pictures with strangers on the streets and I would take you to see all the beautiful places in London I’ve not had the time to see! We would probably go on a boat ride on the Thames with the wind in our hair! (eeerrr, well, in my wig I guess, and in your beautiful hair, I still remember how luvly it was…). Then maybe we would breeze into school so I could show you off to all those my class peeps, they would all drool over you and say how really cool and gorgeous you are! Then maybe we would go to Mac and do their free make over and then not buy anything after all! lol! Then we would ride on the buses, with no destination in mind, just seeing the sights. Lemmesee, how many hours have we killed by now oh?! Hmmmn, there’s this luvly place close to my place where they have the most heavenly frozen yoghurt along with an assortment of cakes, cookies, muffins and stuff like that, you would have loved it! Then we would go see a movie and I can just imagine which one you’ll ask us to see! I would want to see something else and you would call me a fish and we would have a good laugh about it, argue a bit and then settled for your choice after all! Then you would get mischievous with pop-corn during the movie, of course with a straight face and me?! You know now! Then we would go to that Chinese take away place that does the buffet thingy and we would goof around, trying to stuff our plates up while the waiter hovered with a disapproving frown! Then we would finally return home, blissfully tired and happy!!! Then we would gush over our meagre shopping, feeling like a million bucks, then we would laugh at ourselves ‘cos we can’t eat most of the what we stuffed into our take aways! Then rather than sleep, we would still gist, as in just talk, about this and that,  just simply be friends, you know, some things just can’t be put to words…..then I guess we would fall asleep at some point…

Well, I know compared to the Birthday you’re probably having now, this one really sucks, buh I would give anything to have just this right now! Even though I can’t give you this really lousy day today, just want you to know that I love you and you’ll always be in my heart, Happy Birthday.

Crazy things we do for love!

She said, “I love you!

And it makes me defensive,

 makes me want to lash out at you,

‘cos loving you means I’m vulnerable,

so I put up my armour, paint on the face,

‘cos I don’t want you to take it for granted

that I love you to bits.

That’s why I need you to respect me,

and I hate it when you walk all over me,

why it hurts when you do and say things,

that I read as insensitive,

it makes me point out to you those little things,

that make you imperfect,

those things that make you look not-so-high-up after all

and it seems like I nag you all the time,

but it infuriates me that despite all your faults,

you still have a hold on me,

you are still my one weakness,

and that makes me resent you,

just a little bit at a time,

makes me want to bring you down too,

make you human too”

He said, “I love you!

And the sun and moon seemed to rise in your eyes,

I wanted to give you the world,

and I would have if it had been mine to give,

I knew all the light in the world

would go out without you,

so I took all you threw my way,

never minding, not a complaint,

I loved you too much to care,

I hated to see you angry, so I never challenged you,

I let your bitterness wash over me,

‘cos I couldn’t bear to see you shoulder it alone,

I felt you clutching on tight,

smothering the life out of me,

but I held on just as tightly,

couldn’t bear to see you alone,

couldn’t bear to let you go,

With every word,

 every jibe,

every retort,

every stab,

I knew my heart would beat only for you,

and that it did,

right until the day it died,

right until the last little shudder,

It was all yours,

maybe that was why you killed it,

killed it with your lethal dose of love,

I loved you,

So I let you do this to us,

Now we’re at this place where we can’t even co-exist,

can’t even be friends,

our bitter river boiled over,

like a fiery volcano,

and it’ll consume all that lies in its path,

not just the two of us,

who did the dumbest things

all in the name of love”

She said, “You didn’t appreciate me!”

He said, “You made my life hell!”

She said, “You took advantage of my love and adoration!”

He said, “You were too blind to see mine!”

She said, “You were less than the man I thought after all!”

He said, “You pushed me over the edge!”

She said, “How can you say that, after everything I’ve done for you!”

He said, “Everything you’ve done has come at a price!”

She said, “You’re selfish and ungrateful!”

He said, “I love you, and that’s why I have to walk away now.”

She said, “I love you and I’m never letting you go…”

A minute of silence…on deaf ears

The church is cold, its grey stone walls

seeming to breathe frigid air down on the congregation of mourners.

They all sit in silence,

shoulders hunched,

eyes averted, starring at fingers clasped in laps.

All is quiet, the silence is ringing,

ringing with the memories,

ringing with words screamed but never heard,

it swells with reverence and respect,

respect earned but denied.

The daisies are beautiful,

but she had  really loved chrysanthemums,

she would have loved to be out in the open,

Feel the wind through her hair, in her face,

Even her dress is all wrong,

she would never have been caught dead in it!

how could he not have realised that?!

she looks down at him,

his grief wrapped around him,

even tighter than his black sombre coat,

she watches the thin flat line of his lips,

 lips that for once are quiet, lips that finally listen,

he finally gives her this one moment of his attention,

 this precious minute of silence,

Pity she can’t hear it

‘cos he’d waited until she had gone deaf with the waiting,

Waiting for him to look at her and see her, not what he wanted to see,

Waiting for him to feel the flowers and the thorns with her, tell the difference,

She’d painted her song but he didn’t know to dance,

She danced but he looked right through her, didn’t even have a clue!

He’d watched so intently and missed the point,

He saw the bird but failed to see the walls,

she cried but he didn’t see the beauty and the death in the tears,

she wonders if he realised,

that she’d needed to get his attention as much as he’d wanted hers,

she'd just needed him to pause, stop for a moment,

But he’d been too busy,

thinking the thoughts that he thought she was,

Right until she wasn’t,

And only in death did she finally get her moment, 

her one precious minute,

But he could as well save it,

Because his silence now falls on deaf ears

The little mad man who lives upstairs!

My neighbour, whose little flat lies directly above me,

Whom I hardly ever get to see

Or hear from for that matter,

Until he goes into one of his mad fits!

I usually have a few days of peace and quiet

Before a bee ruffles his hornet and he gets all hippity.

He starts to mutter and fidget at first, and then to thrash

I usually just ignore him, 

Just pretend he’s not there, 

Pretend I can’t hear him, shut him out

Then he starts to pound and scream until I can’t bear it any longer,

Until I have no choice other than to open the little door

And let him out, let him come crashing down the stairs

With all his madness 

Like a whirlwind,

Wreaking havoc in his wake,

Celebrating his freedom through my fingers

Like a storm flying over paper,

I pour him out, every last drop of him,

Let him run free as the words flow

Only then can I have some peace,

Only then is it silent and serene again upstairs,

Upstairs in my head…

…until he gets mad again

And I just have to let him loose,

Pick up my pen…