Miss you loads...

I still miss you so bad,
even dou our relationship was turbulent at that time,
and we were both going tru our own stuff,
trying to sort our way tru lyf...
guess dt makes me miss you even more,
cos I keep wondering if I'd been the best I coulda been back dn,
and sumtymz it makes me feel guilty
cos I dnt realize I was wasitng wt little tym we had left,
was too caught up in my issues dt seem so petty in the lyt of tns now,
sumtymz I feel lyk scum cos I knw u deserved so much to live and I tk lyf 4 granted dn,
I knw if lyf were fair at all, it shoulda been me, not you,
you had so much to live 4, I dnt give two pins, tot I was ovr...
I still wishd we coulda talked, sorted tns out,
be laffing now about aw really silly we were dn,
maybe we would av grown into our friendship by now,
be better sisters, talk about the silly and important tns,
av our little squabbles, share our issues, 'Man' gists, plans, dreams...
I know now dt you'd have had my back during dz bad tyms
and you'd be avn ur smug look now when tns turned out beautiful lyk u'd always said dy wld...
I know 4 sure you wld av liked him so, so much and he wld av been blessed to know you
but I gs God knows best even dou it stl hurts so bad
and I stl wonder why it had to be you
and not me....

The Bells Toll...

He was to ring the Bells for every year of her life.
After the first ring, he paused for a moment after the reverberation ended,
the silence felt so thick he could feel it weighing upon him.
32 times he rang the Bells.
32 times he wept as the silence in-between enveloped him,
Tears for all that would have been but never will,
32 times his heart broke, each time more painful than the last,
32 times it became clearer, with shocking reality,
that it was over,
he would never see her again,
the delicate frame,
the dimpled smiles,
the beautiful hands,
those deep, deep eyes...
he'd lost her forever to the cruel hands of tradition.
For a long time after the Bells finally fell silent,
he simply hung onto the ropes and wept like a child,
only she wasn't there to comfort him.
He knew he would never forget the first day he set eyes on her,
neither would he forget that last day....
Slowly, with his head bowed low, and hie heart hanging even lower,
he inched his way out of the Church yard,
nursing hie heavy heart....

Hmmmnnnn, found this while going tru some pretty old letters. Wrote it way back in year 2000, (SS3 I guess) and twas meant to av been the prologue 4 a friend's book...we never got around to writing the book dou...

...Let us drink to the death of innocence
and the birth of "Maturity".....