God's 'No-Pecking-Order' Zone

What do I do when I really want to be part of Your Body, Your Bride, Your Church,

But I keep finding myself on the wrong side of the wall?

What do I do when I'm here again, the outcast, the outsider, the one who just doesn't fit in?

I thought, is it the color of my skin, my unpretty face, my accent?

Am I too muscular? Am I too skinny? Is my hair too short or kinky? Are my teeth too rabitty?

I figured it could be I'm not smart enough or too nerdy or too widely read.

Maybe I'm too introverted. Maybe I overstep my boundaries. Maybe I forget my place.

Maybe I'm too available. Maybe I don't do enough. I probably give too much of myself and get taken for granted. Maybe I'm too closed off.

Maybe I'm just not likable. Maybe I'm just unremarkable and easily forgotten.

Maybe I'm too much. Maybe I'm not enough.

I'm here again.

On the outside, looking in,

Wondering if I even care enough to want to be let in.

Maybe it all really doesn't matter. Maybe it does.

Maybe the reasons for being the runt of the litter don't matter. Maybe they do.

Maybe it's all on me, I mean, I'm the only constant in all these equations, am I not?

Maybe You're calling me out to something different.

But this road is oh so lonely, and it makes for breaking: hearts and spirits and wills.

I don't want to walk alone, but it seems I must.

Whatever it is You have for me, I know I can trust Your Heart and Your will.

I know now that not only do You not lose a battle, You also never waste one.

So, I know You'll make something beautiful out of this painful journey.

I know You'll delicately refine me in this fire of coldness and seclusion.

Thank You that You always take care of me, always will.

Thank You that with You, I'm always enough.

I'm never alone.

I'm loved.

I belong.