Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Some people see the world tru rose tinted glasses, I fink I'm seeing it tru muddy ones ryt now.  :(

Awful nyt!!!! shld just shut my eyes or count sheep...remembered what Nene Kalu told me way back in Jss 2, "Don't count sheep, talk to The Shepherd..."
Can't sleep! :( So, I'm here, reading a really lousy novel while trying not to think of the million and one worries I've got ryt now...
Question: Why do I write best when I'm in the dumps or close?! Hmmnnn, gotta check dt out later.
So, I'm fighting a trip all the way to the bottom, then 2 silly cockroaches decide to do the kung-fu thang in my room tonyt of all nyts! where'd dy materialize from anywayz?
I hate having to fight at all, but this time, it seems like war! Just when I tink I've won, a bigger foe rears its head! But at the same time, I'm not willing to let go this time cos I want you for keeps so, so bad...so maybe somethings are so worth keeping and so, so worth fighting for....but I'm really getting wearied with this fight...it sure sucks! >:(
I'm so not looking forward to 2mao, (oh, it's today already) and I really wish I had a plan, something sure to work out or better still, I wished this problem didn't exist in the first place!
Gosh! I can see the scheme so clearly and everyone else tinks I'm paranoid! It's so infuriating when no one else sees tru the deceit and then Pink has the guts to gloat, rub it right in! Arrrrggghhhh!!!!!!
Y'all are beginning to annoy me and I'm getting sick to death of all the posts! it's like where ever I turn, I see the preening, gloating face mocking me! Can't you just see that its getting to me?! don't you care as well?! or maybe you've just been fooled by the scheming. I'm not even sure which is worse.
Right now, I just need some peace and quiet, I just want to be spared the whole crappy scenario, I just need to be left alone...but will that peace cost me the one thing I want and cherish the most? maybe I should just get the hell out, for good this time
Then there's the move, or should I say moves, to worry over, plus work sucks real bad and I'm so miserably broke and there doesn't seem to be any light in sight and then I'm back to you and this whole mess...
pleasssssseeee, this is killing me all over again and I can't even talk to you about it.....

Dear God, what do I do now? I was hurt at first, then afraid, numb with the fear, desperate, then came the anger, hot, white, burning anger. Right on its heels was the emptiness, the feeling that no matter what I did, it wouldn't matter, wouldn't help a bit, like feeling your life blood seep out through fingers graping a fatal wound uselessly... Now I'm just tired and I'm not even sure I have the strength to fight, so I guess I'm leaving this fight in Your Hands...dunno what else to fink...it was just meant to be the 3 of us, the Lady, her Lord and her Lover....
...a lousy post for the dumps. Looking on the bright side, there's hope that I don't write my best when depressed. that would av been depressing in itself!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I have a million more reasons to hate you than to love you....
...but I won't give you the power to determine who I am.