The Theory of Relativity

This is no Physics class but...


What exactly is Happiness? Is it the absence of sadness? If it is, then what do you call the feeling you get when you’re not sad but you’re not happy either? You know, when you’re not getting that, what do I call it, bubbly feeling people often associate with happiness? So, what if I’m felling zilch! Nothing! What is it then? How do you define happiness? Does it depend on the absence of sadness or does sadness in turn depend on the absence of happiness? So if I’m not sad, does it mean I’m happy? What if I’m just a little sad even though I’m happy? Does the presence of that little sadness cancel out the happiness or does the happiness cancel out the sadness? Is there anything like sitting on the fence, like being equally sad and happy at the same time? How do I know that I am truly happy or even extremely sad?!

What if I don’t like the girl next door, does it then mean that I dislike her? Isn’t it possible to ‘not like’ her without disliking her? If I don’t really enjoy hanging out with her or can’t call her my pall, then I guess that means I don’t like her, or rather, I ‘not-like’ her, it doesn’t mean I dislike her as in can’t stand the sight of her or feel like screaming when she laughs! So, what name do I call this emotion, this ‘not liking’ without ‘disliking’ my neighbour?!

So, you say I’m fat, well you’re skinny!!! But then, the pretty gal in our class is so NOT fat, but I can’t call her skinny! So what is she? Slim, you say, so define slim. You say slim is not so fat and not so slim, but what makes me fat? ‘cos I’m not skinny?! Okay, so the skinny girl had a little-big tummy! So what does that make her? And the fat boy had spindly legs! Hmmmnnn, she’s a size 14 but has a perfectly flat tummy and a shape to die for! Well me, I’m not fat!!!! How dare you call me that?! Even if I try to console myself with the fact that I’m a size 8, I bet Victoria Becham would consider me fat! Who set the rules anyway?! Touchy topic, let’s just leave it there!

What exactly does it mean to be rich? Does it mean not being poor? Or does it just mean having enough to live comfortably? In that case, what then is the definition of ‘enough’ or ‘comfortable’? does it stop at having 1 car each for you and your wife plus a duplex big enough for each of the kids to have a room? If I think I’m ‘rich’ with 3 rides, the other guy with 4 might think me poor in comparison. What then defines being rich or being poor? The absence of the other?

What if I really don’t love you, does it mean I hate you? What do you call that feeling that is neither love nor hatred? So, at what point can I say I stopped hating you and started to love you? But what if I never hated you to start with? That then means that love isn’t the absence of hatred! Besides, I could love you just a bit even though I hate you so bad!!!

When can I say our relationship has stopped being sweet and has become bitter? Isn’t there a place where it’s neither sweet nor bitter, like it’s just there?! Don’t tell me it’s ‘bitter-sweet’ ‘cos that would mean it’s a little sweet and a little bitter at the same time. What I’m asking here is what you call it when it’s neither of both!

So I’m not Agbani Darego, neither am I Omowunmi Akinifesi, but that most def does not make me ugly!!! Yeah, yeah, I’m not drop dead gorgeous or a traffic stopper, but then, I’m no ogre! So what’s the defining line? I’m not beautiful, neither am I ugly, what do you call me then? P;retty? Well, that would have been okay but for just one problem, I don’t think I would make even page two ofr the Sun Newspaper!!! But hey, I’M NOT UGLY!!! I’m just not pretty or beautiful! So, what am I?

Big question: Is feeling in the dumps such a bad thing?! Woke up this morning in the pits and I actually put down 7 different articles today alone! Yeah, you got that right, my pen didn’t pause all day and the thoughts kept flowing when I haven’t put down a single dot in over a month! Talk about a good and effective cure for writer’s block!!!

Thank God someone gave ‘Grey’ a name! But, come to think of it, there are several shades of grey; plenni’o’ white with just a pinch ‘o’ black, all blacky-black with almost no white, what makes it grey? Or at what point does it stop being grey but all black?!

Phew! And here I was, thinking that all the Mack Plancks and Einsteins of the world were very complicated guys!!!