The Retro Journals - Red Robot

Damn! I shoulda taken the contraceptive pills!!! 

I bet you’ve figured out my story, it’s not that difficult right? Picture me at 3 am, scrubbing away at my soaked mattress even as I feel a fresh flow of blood trickling down my legs…

Well, it all started a few weeks ago when I got a sudden outburst of pimples. Pimples everywhere, my face, neck, earlobes, back, chest, everywhere. Plus they were no ordinary pimples, they were big fat painful meanies! Mind you, I’m not 18 so I’m soooooo way past the puberty thing and believe me, I had my fair share back then.

This post-puberty thing had me flummoxed. I had no idea why or from where they had come! So I finally took a trip to the GP out of pain and embarrassment, I probably looked like pickled peas or something equally gross. The GP took one look at me and said the creams and ointments wouldn’t stand a chance, I was going on medication! Just great! Stupid tabs just because of pimples,  egbàmí! He went on to say that I had two options for the tabs. One was to go on antibiotics for 6 months (what?! 6 months  nítoríi pimples!  Àríì!!!), the other was to go on the pill. He then said that that had the added advantage that it would help regulate my periods and also help keep the flows moderate, yada, yada, yada. Errrr, contraceptives for pimples! Antibiotics for 6 months!! Na who I come vex so oh! I took one look at my pickled-pea face in the mirror and decided I was going to kick ass! So this silly girl picked the antibiotics ‘cos to her machine-knuckled brain, the antibiotics sounded more kick-ass than the contraceptives, I mean, whoever took the pill for pimples?!

Sigh. So here I was, three weeks later when the red robot came calling. As uninvited as it was, it brought its baggage with it, the worst MP ever! I guess we all know whose ass was getting kicked. Add to that, the fact that it seemed nothing our dearest Always has or will ever invent could handle the flow! I’d gone through all my pairs of jeans and was running low on dry knickers as well! I shoulda saved myself the trouble and just locked myself in the bathroom! Woke up from a fitful sleep at 3 am and the mattress was soaked through. So, as I vented my frustrations on the poor mattress, all I could think was Damn! Why didn’t you just take the pill?!