I'm sorry....

I’m sorry....

for every time I was too sad to smile, and too indifferent to care,

for the times I didn’t feel like talking and I just wanted to be left alone,
       wanted, needed you to go away,

for all the beautiful memories that the blizzards have dulled,

for the looks I have missed or simply failed to see,

for the times I have been too cold to feel the sparks, too tired to try,

for the times I didn’t believe the words ‘cos I didn’t feel them,
       wouldn’t dare,

for the times I felt like you were judging me and I resented you for it,

everytime I felt I wasn’t good enough, could never be,
       hating you for that,

for the imaginery monsters around every corner, behind every gesture,
       hidden in every word,

for all the blasted trips to the dumps,

for all the times I could have been happy but wasn’t,
       all the times we could have been...

for the times I didn’t think you would understand, didn’t trust you to,

for the times I’ve shut me in my cold walls, and you out...

for the tears I hid from you,

the lies I told to hide the pain, for trying to protect you from it,

for the times I hated me too much for you to love,

for not being what you thought, what you wanted, what you deserve,

for messing this up,

for being too selfish with my misery, not willing to share...

and worst of all,

 for having to end this,

for having to jump...