The Retro Journals: Oritsetimeyin

One of those nights that I’m up, prowling through the hours like a stalker. Can’t sleep, maybe I just don’t want to. Sometimes, I can’t see the difference. I think I’m too wound up to sleep, too much on my mind.

It’s exactly two weeks to our trip to Lagos and mummy and Fikáyò are so, so hyped about it and their excitement is infectious. I can’t help it, and I’m starting to get excited as well. They’ve mapped out this detailed and packed itinerary and I’m like it’s humanly impossible to do so much in so little time! They tried to get me involved in the planning but I’ve been too distracted. All I can think of right now is getting off that plane and finally getting to see you again after so damn long! I’m trying to imagine how it would feel to finally be able to touch your face, hold you, and when I finally let you out of my bear grip, how I would turn to mummy and Fikáyò and say “Mummy, this ‘Timeyin, my friend…” I can almost see the look that would come into mummy’s eyes and how she would size you up in a single glance. And the interrogation that would follow later ehn? Before the end of the day, she will not only have planned our wedding, but would have chosen the names of our grand children as well. Fikáyò on the other hand would never forgive me for keeping the hot, hot gist from her!

I can imagine you taking me everywhere and mummy and ‘Fikáyò never seeing my break lights for the entire trip! We will go to the movies, hold hands and steal kisses in the streets, hang out with your friends and I'll finally get to meet your mum. We'll go to this place I’ve heard so much about, Ice Cream Factory and I would gladly watch you eat both our ice creams because of my lactose intolerance. You’ll take me round Lagos and I’ll see it through your eyes and my old, vague memories will come alive with your fresh experiences, creating this beautiful fairy-tale Lasgidi I’ll hold dear in my heart for all time. I’ll discover a whole new exciting world, walk the streets of ‘Gidi in your shoes, with your voice filling my ears and I’ll click with you on a whole new level. We'll go salsa dancing at the Galleria and I’ll come watch you play Basketball. I'll probably stay up every night chatting and talking with you on the phone and then get up in the morning feeling like a grumpy grouch! I’ll most def infect you with my love of coffee. Did I tell you how much I simply love the smell of coffee beans? Ah, heavenly!!!

I would probably show up at your office to drag you out for lunch every day and they would have to tell security, “don’t let that girl in!” We would spend so much time talking about everything and nothing, or not talking at all, just enjoying each other’s company, just being together. I'll get my fill of listening to you speak, fall in love all over again with the sound of you voice and your sweet accent, we'll take loads and loads of pictures together and I'll finally get to kiss you for the very first time. There’s so much we still have to know and discover about each other, all this time away from each other has just left these huge gaps in our colorful quilt of experiences and I’m thinking about how exciting it would be to unwrap each little nugget of info about each other like mysterious little gifts..…and then when it’s time to go back home, I’ll be so sad and heartbroken because I would miss you even more than before the trip. But probably not as much as I do right now because I know none of these things is ever going to happen…

It’s been 318 days since that call. 318 days since I heard that single shot interrupt your deep baritone mid-sentence. 318 days during which I’ve wondered if you would still be alive if you hadn’t been on the phone with me at that very moment.  It’s been 318 days, more time than I had with you.

My eyes hurt from the lack of sleep, or maybe that’s from the crying. I’m not too sure. I’m putting together a time capsule with what little memories we were able to make. We never even got to take any pictures together or listen to our favourite songs sharing the same earphones or to share a pizza or go on a proper date or have a lovers’ spat. I’ll probably fill the time capsule with all these silly letters I write you, make a CD with all the songs that remind me of you, put in the card you sent me on my birthday and the three-line letter you wrote me in your chicken-scratch hand writing, dunno, everything that reminds me of you and maybe I’ll write out just one single wish….a year from now, maybe nine or ten, I hope I’ll be able to open up the capsule without coming apart all over again…