110170

It feels like autumn, you still have the memories of summer even though it’s not so warm anymore, it’s neither warm nor cold, it’s just there, hanging in-between. The leaves have all turned brown and have been blown from the trees, it all gets you reflective…that’s how I feel. I’m not quite cold even though I feel I should be, know I should be. Even though I know the sun’s gone, along with all the warmth and the glow and that happy, fulfilled feeling. A part of me is wondering why I’m not reacting to all this, why I’m not going through the process of grief, why I’m still so numb, so seemingly un-feeling, why I’m not breaking down! Could it be some sort of delayed reaction? But it’s been eighteen awful weeks already! Could it be that I’m getting really good at this?! I remember the very first time, I had totally shut down, couldn’t function, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe…now I’m just going through the motions, neither sad nor happy. Fine, I shed a tear or two, buh it’s nothing compared to what I’ve felt before, how I’ve been in the past…makes me wonder when winter will finally hit or if summer will come early…

111012

I'm breaking up in pieces

and I don't know why

or how to put things right,

how to put me back together again

I'm not functioning anymore

I'm just going through the motions

just 'phasing' through each day

and I'm just wondering

how long I'll keep this up,

how long before I get better,

feel like me again

or how long before I'll just stop being

'cos sometimes I feel like I'm fading away

a little bit at a time

loosing me,

slipping away from reality as I knew it,

I just pray that day comes soon,

when I finally know which it'll be...