Showing posts with label Lagos living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lagos living. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Justice According To Vengeance: The Unravelling

The Toyota Corolla stood out like a sore thumb, or more like a shiny Schauss pink one. It was way past 2 a.m. and Apóngbòn Under Bridge isn’t the usual hanging out spot for blinging Toyotas, especially not at foolish-o’clock.
The driver brought the car to a stop just at the ascent to Èkó Bridge by a cluster of makeshift sheds that looked deserted. In the dark, two forms peeled themselves from the shadows and approached the car. The thugs wondered at the audacity of the person who had dared wander onto their territory without invitation.
One of the thugs went over to the driver’s side and grabbed the door handle, trying to force it open. When he couldn’t, he slammed the tire iron he had with him into the window in anger and it shattered. 
        “Ògbeni, cooperate, àbí you wan chop bullet!” the thug said to the driver, his voice hoarse like stones scraping over slate.
One by one, like moths drawn to a flame, more thugs slunk out of the shadows, surrounding the car and before long, there was more than a dozen of them.
The first thug thrust his gun in the driver’s face, ready to start spewing more threats. His gun stopped a hair’s breadth from the driver’s nose and they stared at each other for a few moments, one face registering a mixture of shock and fear, the other deadly calm and unflinching.
        “Kílónselè? What’s happening now?” one of the other thugs demanded, already impatient.
        “Ask him to bring out all his money.” another said.
        “Abeg give am bullet if he no wan cooperate jàre!” someone else said, slamming the metal rod he had in his hand on the side of the car and denting it.
        “Shey he get powder àbí booze?”
        “How much we fit get for the car? Na tear rubber!”
        “Commot am for the car before you shoot am oh, make him no dirty the seat.”
The gunman didn’t reply his cronies. He simply slid slowly to the ground with his free hand clutching his shirt over the bullet hole in his chest and his lifeless eyes forever frozen in their shocked mask.
It took a moment for the others to register what had just happened. Blame it on the rounds of weed they’d had earlier. Blame it on the excess Apeteshi they’d already consumed. Blame it on the fact that the script had never gone that way before. But that tiny bitty moment saw another three thugs hit the ground in quick succession. The others scattered then, scrambling for safety but not quite fast enough. Another one took a shot to the head and one in his kneecap. He dragged himself over a low barbed wire fence, screaming for his mates to help him. Of course, no one waited to offer any help.
The driver sat calmly in the car and watched them scamper away. With the same unhurried movements with which he’d shot at the thugs, he disconnected the silencer and put it and the Glock into the glove compartment. The whole thing had taken less than five minutes. He got out of the car and surveyed his handiwork. He took one disinterested look at the body lying about three feet in front of his car and blocking his path down the road.

As if nothing had happened at all, the night remained dark and quiet and not a soul stirred. Absently, he took out a pack of Mentos gum from his breast pocket and popped a couple into his mouth. He got back in the car and started up the engine, Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze starting to pour out of the speakers. He hummed under his breath as he cut the wheel all the way to the left. He drove on towards Ìgànmú, his front right tire narrowly missing the sprawled body in his path.


Now available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle format, OkadaBooks, Book Depository, and other online stores.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Justice According To Vengeance: Simon's Story

Simon Bólárìnwá seems to have it all; wholesome good looks, a thriving business, his pick of Lagos’ most beautiful and intelligent women, and a luck that seems far from running out. Best of all, he has the love and adoration of Rèmí, his 10-year-old daughter, who is the nucleus of his entire world.
His perfect life is turned wrong-side-down when one chance encounter leaves him living his worst nightmares and embarking on a quest that is nothing short of crazy. It’s left to Ese, his best friend, to put a stop to the madness that ensues before it’s too late.

As the final showdown begins between Simon and the man who took everything from him, Ese is faced with some terrifying demons of her own. Will she be in time to save Simon before his crazy brand of justice destroys him?

Now available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle format, OkadaBooks, Book Depository, and other online stores.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Justice According To Vengeance


How much will a father give up, to be his little girl’s Hero?
How far will a woman go to protect the ones she loves?
Is all really fair in love and war?


I had it all. My life was perfect. Until one man took it all from me.
Now, it's time to make him pay.




Read Simon's harrowing story. Now available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle format, OkadaBooks, and other online stores.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Giddi Commute: Abegi Sir

This evening’s drama was straight out of a bad Nollywood movie. It started out as the normal story, dánfó driver on Lékkí-Èpé Expressway driving nonsense. He scratches someone’s Prado Jeep and tries to escape. Mr. Prado Jeep gives chase and of course he catches us after all of two minutes. Where exactly did Mr. Dánfó driver think he was running to, what with the usual traffic on Lékkí-Èpé Express way? So, Mr. Prado catches us and steps out of his car in full military uniform. Kpekélé kpekèlè, arúgbó je gbèsè! Of all the Jeeps in Lagos, this dánfó driver went to scratch a soldier’s own! I don’t know much about the Nigerian Army but the guy’s uniform looked so impressive, he must have been a top guy.
The passengers who had been raining abuses on the driver before then became subdued and kept shut. You know how when someone presses the mute button and the TV just shuts up kpam? That’s how we all just swallowed our voices as if on cue.
The Soldier simply went to the driver’s side, pulled his door open and dragged him out by his shirt.
        “Oga abeg…” the driver started. The rest was silenced with a bone shattering slap.
Kai, I felt that slap from where I was sitting. The driver tried to fall to his knees (or maybe his knees just gave way beneath him) but Oga Soldier simply dragged him up by his shirt and delivered another slap. At this point, we all overcame or speechlessness and started to beg earnestly on behalf of the driver. The conductor went over to prostrate himself flat in front of the Soldier but mba, him no gree. Before we knew it, some minion Soldiers had arrived at the scene. Of course, a big boy Soldier like that one doesn’t walk alone. They just jejely took Mr. driver and carried him to their pick up truck and drove off with him.
        “Ah, tiè ba lóòní!” someone exclaimed.
        “The kain beat he will chop today ehn?”
        “Na where dem dey carry am go?” a woman asked.
I was thinking the same thing but was afraid of what the answer would be.
        “Ah, dem dey carry am go barracks be that!”
        “When him see Soldier again, him go run!”
        “Conductor, you no go go look for your driver?”
        “Abi oh, you no go go bail am out?”
        “Na where him wan go look for am?”
        “If he follow them, them go just beat am join!”
        “Abeg, who sabi drive for here?” That from the conductor.
We all stopped in our commiserations when it hit us that we were now sans a driver and had only just reached Ìkàté.
        “Ah, it’s true oh, how person go reach Àjáh now?”
        “Abeg give me my money oh make I join another bus.”
The pity party was over. People really weren’t smiling at all.
        “Make una no worry, we go reach Àjáh.” The conductor said.
        “How? We go fly?”
        “Abeg no waste time jàre, make we quickly find another bus enter.”
        “This man go sabi drive the bus.” The conductor said, pointing to a man on the second row.
All our collective necks swung to look at the man. The man sef swung his head to see our would-be savior only for him to find all eyes on him.
        “Me ke?!” he exclaimed.
        “How you take know say him sabi drive?” someone demanded.
        “Abi you don become Octopus Paul?” someone else said.
        “Na wetin be that?” some other guy asked.
        “Na where you for dey when them dey play World Cup?”
        “Which one consign me consign World Cup?”
        “See you, them never born you that time.”
        “Shey you even sabi who Obasanjo be?”
        “How I no go sabi that one?!”
        “If Octopus Paul still dey alive, he for tell us tey tey say PDP no go enter again!”
        “Abeg stop that nonsense! Him for warn us say na like this e go dey be!”
Were these people for real at all?! We were stranded here by the side of the high way and they’re arguing over Octopus Paul! Lagos really is a crazy place.
        “Oga, abeg come drive the moto commot for here.” The conductor implored.
        “How you take know say I sabi drive?” the would-be savior asked.
        “I see as you dey control the driver.”
Say what? What does that even mean.
                “True oh, im dey tell am to cut him hand that time when he jam that soh-ja!”
As in seriously! So that’s all that’s needed to qualify for the driver’s seat?
In a heartbeat, everyone on the bus was swearing by their mothers that they just knew that the man was the black reincarnation of double-oh-seven himself.
        “I sabi drive the bus but na Igbó Efòn I dey go oh. After that one you dey on your own.” The man finally conceded.
        “Oga, nothing do you, abeg help our situation.” The conductor begged.
        “Na wetin you wan make I do? I no go go house?”
        “Chairman no worry, I go settle you bus money reach Igbó Efòn, just hep me drive this bus reach Àjáh abeg.”
Long story short oh, the conductor psyched the man sotey he agreed to drive us all the way to Àjáh without jamming anyone’s car on the way! This is Lagos after all, what else is new under the sun?!




Monday, May 30, 2016

Giddi Commute: Navigator

This beautiful Saturday morning (aren’t they all beautiful!), I spent 45 minutes in Obàléndé waiting for the Bus to Berger to fill up. When it was finally full, the conductor sauntered over and proceeded to collect his money.
“Oga, you no fit collect money for road?” a man on the third row grumbled.
“Na for road I go pay Agbèrò?” The conductor retorted.
“So you knew that one since, you come just dey collect money?" Someone from the back row said, disgusted. At this point, I knew how the drama would go, probably ending in a I-no-get-change argument. I was about to plug in my ear phones to drown out the noise when one madam beside me upped the ante.
Oníìranù, the time him suppose dey collect money, na that chingum geh him dey chase up and down! “ she said drawing out a long hiss.
“Na ya business?” Oga conductor challenged, stopping in his collection to face off the woman.
“Abeg dey collect your money dey go, this heat too much nah!” another passenger said.
“Abeg make I fire am! Abi you no hear the nonsense him dey talk?” Oga conductor asked.
“Ehn dey collect your money as you dey fire am nah!” the passenger said.
“Woman wrapper!” madam hissed.
“You dey jealous?” Oga conductor fired back.
“God forbid! Na your kind me I dey follow?!”
“Why you no talk nah, I for come toast you join.” Oga conductor said eliciting a few titters from other passengers.
        “You don dey crase! Olòshí! “
He finally finished collecting the money and we left the park, thank God!
The next sign of trouble was when the engine started to cough like a nicotine addict.
“Oga, this your moto go reach so?” someone asked.
“No worry.” Oga driver said. “Him dey kamkpe!”
“Abeg, if he no go reach, make we come down oh!”
“Come down for where? When I don pay for garage already!” Oga conductor retorted, ready for another fight.
“I say him dey alright, he just dey warm up!” Oga driver reassured.
That’s how we left Obàléndé and climbed on top 3rd Mainland Bridge with our kpa-ka kpu-ku bus. The thing would go kpa-ka kpù-kù, kpa-ka kpù-kù, ó-tó-gé  (I swear, the groans of that engine sounded like it was saying just that, true!), then we would go vroom vroom vroom and then kpa-ka kpù-kù over and over again. I reckoned sometime this century, we would sha get to Berger.
We were fine and dandy for a while. In fact, after you settled into the engine’s rhythm, it actually started to lull you like a child's lullaby. That was until it started to rain and we found out that our kpa-ka kpù-kù’s wipers didn't work. And oh, Oga driver was as blind as a mole too.
Unfortunately for me, I was in the first row, behind the driver, so I saw everything in HD.
“Oga, you no get wiper?” the lady in the passenger seat asked alarmed.
Oga driver ignored her.
“Abeg stop oh!” she said.
“Stop for where?!” Oga conductor who'd been spoiling for another fight demanded. “Abi you no see say nah for 3rd Mainland Bridge we dey?”
The fortunate souls in the back seats were still blissfully unaware of the wiper shebang and found something else to fight the conductor over.
“Oga, this your bus dey leak oh!”
“Abeg close your window jàre, rain get enter!”
“Na Sharatin you think say you dey? “ Oga conductor retorted forgetting madam in the front seat for the moment.
“Don’t mind them. They will be collecting money, they won’t use it to fix their vehicle. “ One woman said in disgust and other passengers agreed with her.
Ha, if they only knew! There were way bigger issues than leaky roofs on ground!
Consequently, the other passenger in the front seat became the Navigator and Oga Conductor the right side mirror.
“Small-small.” Navigator said, motioning with his hands.
“Your side.” Oga Conductor said.
Peeeem-peeeem!” The Corolla to our left said.
With that brilliant plan in place, we made it to Ìyànà Òwòrò in one piece. Barely. Next issue was the line of tankers and trailers joining the Berger bound traffic from there. 
“We no fit stop for here?” madam in front asked hopefully.
“Madam, nothing do you. Your side!!” Oga conductor said.
By this time, the fighters in the back seats had found out about our precarious situation and had sobered up. Well, sort of.
“Oga, you no dey see? You wan jam trailer? “
“Oritse gbàmí!”
“Lord have mercy!”
“Kai, I don enter this one oh!”
“I for no enter road today oh!”
As if to add it’s own voice to the melee, the rain started to come down even harder.
“There's a tanker in front! Small-small. “ Navigator said and Oga driver stepped on the brakes.
“Not so hard!” Navigator gasped and we all screamed as we were thrown forwards like rag dolls.
In response, Oga driver stepped on the gas and we were all thrown backwards.  I cannot write the sort of colourful language that followed. Ah, I fear that I wee be corrupting the eyes of Nigerians of they had to read it on here!
In the midst of that drama, something let out a hoot that almost had me peeing my pants and all hell broke lose.
“Ah, trailer dey your right!”
“Your side! Your side!”
“Ah, Jesus I am dead!”
“Oga stop this bus oh I wan come down.”
“He dey your side!”
“Na tanker oh!”
“Blood of Jesus!”
“Yéè mo gbé! “
“Orí ìyámi òh!”
Next thing, we hit a massive puddle and the sounds of the water forcefully hitting the undersides of the bus and the avalanche of water that hit us on all sides were the final nails in the panic coffin. 
The type of mayhem that ensued was enough to cause even the sanest of drivers to lose control, not that ours was anywhere near sane to start with.
“Abeg please stop for Mobil oh, we cannot continue like this!” one passenger implored.
“Ah, we don pass Mobil since.” Someone else said.
“We don pass?! I think say we still dey toll gate oh!”
         “Ah, toll gate ke?!”
For all we knew, we were already in Ìbàdàn sef!
“Na Òtédolá gate be that in front!” someone exclaimed.
I doubted it seriously but the thought of a safe place to get off was too good to pass off.
“Abeg stop make I come down, I no go Berger again!”
“I go waka the rest biko!”
“Why you wan get down inside this rain?” Oga conductor asked.
“You no see the nonsense your driver dey drive?”
“How? The guy dey alright now!”
My head did a 360 and I stared at the conductor in utter disbelief, like really?! That was when it really hit home that we were in the hands of mad men and I joined the crazy clamour for the bus to stop.
In response, Oga driver swerved to the right towards the bus stop without first consulting his Navigator and Oga conductor and he had his right side mirror clipped off by the tanker on his right.
“Yeh, go your side! Go your side!” Oga conductor screamed, not that Oga driver could have heard him above the panicked screams in the bus.
Oga driver swerved left and stepped on the brakes.
“No stop, no stop oh! Another one dey your back!” someone from the last row screamed.
We stumbled on until Oga driver finally brought the bus to a stop beside a dilapidated filling station. As soon as the bus stopped, frantic passengers spilled out into the pouring rain. Mehn, it had never felt so good to have rain slap me in the face, I was so grateful to be alive and in one piece!