Monday, July 6, 2015

The Retro Journals - Undone


120713

These things take time. I’m fine for a few days, a couple of weeks, three even. Then one day I come undone, and start all over again. Good thing is, each time, the unravelling is a little less severe than the last.

Today is one of those unravelling days. The wool sweater unravelling from the hem, up until the breast pocket, but not all the way. I have the wool all around me, in swirly whorls, waiting for me to un-undone it. Today is one of those days that the sweater unexpectedly gets snagged on something – a nail, a sharp table edge, a memory, a song maybe, you never really know what exactly it is – and I come undone. But I didn’t go all the way. That’s something, I think. It gets better. Next time, it’ll stop at the bottom pocket. Or maybe just around the middle. It does get better, until one day I wake up and realize I’m all fine and this too has gone away. I’ll wake up and not be so tired and weary. I’ll wake up and it’ll be a distant memory, they  all will.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

My Lover and I


This last weekend, I made it to my fifth month of being back here after being away for a while. It’s been an interesting time (for a lack of a better description) and I can’t believe the amount of re-adjusting I’ve had to do, I mean, it’s been  less than five years!
Someone asked me the other day how Lagos has been treating me and my reply was this: Lagos is still like the lover who plays games with my heart, she’s sweet one moment, ruthless the next! And really, that’s how it’s been, Lagos sure isn’t the easiest damsel to court! I’ve had some, well, interesting experiences and I realized that if I couldn’t learn to laugh at them, then I would simply find myself picking up my two legs in my hands and running like a mad woman was at my heels!
My first week at work (about three months after I got back), I remember bussing home from work for the very first time on my third day or so. Luckily for me, there was a colleague who lived close to me and we made the journey together. Everything was going fine, like, piece of cake really, even the transit through good old Obelende didn’t seem so bad. That was until we got off the bus at Berger and my colleague said we were crossing the road! I looked at him like he was crazy, like cross this road?! It was either that or he was pulling my legs and catching his trips at my expense. This was Berger, with all them massive lorries zooming on like they ‘just don’t care’, and this guy was telling me that we were going to run across the road, right in front of those lorries and the crazy danfo drivers, with our tiny chicken legs! Add to that the fact that that morning I’d dressed in a nice little dress and these dainty heels, hoping to impress on the new job and all. There was NO chance of an ice cube in hell that I was crossing that road, no Sir! Poor dude, he being the sweet gentleman that he is and me being the crazy, spoilt brat that I was, I made him make the loooong walk down the over-pass and then under the pass and all the way to the bus stop at the other side. A journey that would have taken us two minutes (yeah, the crazy run across the road) took almost thirty minutes. Dear Tomi, I know you still hate my guts for making you take that walk, but I’m soooo sorry! :”(
Me (spoilt brat or not) and Tomi, have had our fair share of adventures together. There was the time we were sat in traffic at Toll Gate and saw someone get robbed, in broad daylight! That was a chilling experience for me. There was also the time two cab men fought over us and I almost had my shoulder wrenched out of its socket! I remember the day we were so excited about being the ones to get the coveted front seat in the bus at Obelende.  You need to understand how big that was for us, we had graduated from being squashed and hunched up in the uncomfortable back seats (if you’ve never been on those buses, you can’t possibly imagine how awful they are, especially for Tomi who is rather tall, and well, a spoilt Brat like me) for the journey that sometimes took as long as three hours (we’ve had a record breaking five hours once) to sitting like royalty in the front seats. So, here we were, cruising along on third mainland bridge (by some miracle, there wasn’t traffic on this fateful night) feeling fly, when some crazy dude just cuts in front of our bus. I don’t know about Tomi oh, but me, I matched my imaginary brakes sharply! He’s always as cool as a cucumber anyways, so I’m sure he didn’t even move a muscle, which is okay. What wasn’t okay however was the fact that the driver of our bus, whom we were rather quickly going to find out was high on cheap booze, also didn’t match brake! Next thing I know is that we’re slamming smack into this other crazy driver’s backside. You know what they say, that your life flashes before your eyes? Big fat lie. The only thing flashing before me was this very bad movie in which I was about to go flying out the windshield from the force of the impact! Everyone in the bus chorused their shouts of Jesus! Blood of God! Jésù! Yéèpà! Etcetera, etcetera. There were even a few shits and craps thrown into the mix. What was the first thing our crazy driver did when he finally woke up from his zombie-don’t match-ya-brake daze? He gets down from the bus and goes after the other driver to get in a fistfight with him. Fine, I understand that the other driver was at fault, and that he must have been high on adrenaline on discovering that he’d escaped the accident unscathed, but this was third mainland bridge at ungodly-o’clock at night, we were sat smack in the middle of the bridge with other vehicles zooming past us on both sides. We were sitting ducks for any other crazy driver whose leg wasn’t connected to the adrenaline-triggered part of his brain that would make him step on the brakes by reflex. Plus this guy was trying to cave the other guy’s face in, right in the middle of said road. Ah, see my life outside for inside this very bad home video! How we got off the bridge? By some stroke of luck (scratch that, it was simply God), our bashed-in bus still worked fine and our high-on-cheap-booze driver managed to drive us all to Berger in one piece.
Next on the list was the day that Tomi left me behind and crossed to the other side at Berger! (yeah, yeah, even this spoilt madam had to start crossing the road at some point. Trust me, I developed a technique where I would hide behind Tomi and not have to look at any of the lorries zooming towards me. The really bad part of the crossing is the lane barrier at the middle. That thing is high and fat and due to the fact that you have about a three second window within which to scale it before the next truck gets to you, there ain’t no time to ‘do it like a lady’. In essence, you have to learn to scale it hurdle-style! Believe me, I learned real fast!). So, on this fateful night, I carried Lasthma for two seconds and the next thing I know, Tomi is on the other side and I’m stood there with my mouth hanging open in horror. Honestly, I was ready to start bawling out my eyes! This was the stuff of nightmares for me! You don’t want to know how much crossing that road terrifies me, and that’s with hiding behind someone oh! The thought of doing it on my own sends me into a panic. Luckily for me, some man walks out into the middle of the road and actually stopped all the traffic! I have no idea who he was, probably a soldier, or why he needed to stop the traffic, I was just so, so grateful for that little miracle that saved this girl from making an utter fool of herself. Honestly, if the guy hadn’t done that, I would have jejely taken the thirty-minute walk, shikena.
There was also the time the keke Napep I took decided to take on a flat bed in a battle for territory (in good ol’ Berger. Me and that Berger ehn?!). I was so sure the thing was going to ram into us and I have no idea how we managed to get out in one piece. And the time I took a bike (against my better judgment, but in my defense, I was running late) and just as he took off, the wind blew his ògógóró breath in my face! And of course, no Lagos story is ever complete without an Agèbrò! I was in Obelende one day, trying to figure out where to get my next bus from. The Agèbrò took a look at my bewildered face and was like “Fine geh, ibo lò ńlo?” he then went on to take my hand to help me cross the road (those crossings, eh) and he personally put me on a bus! I can just imagine the picture we painted, the Agèbrò holding the girl by the hand like an eccentric uncle and his jolly-just-come niece!
And the time I totally freaked out and ran (almost screaming) from Égúngún in Sábó (really, those guys terrify me)! Then there has been my dearest NEPA (I’ll never forget that weekend I was home alone and the GEN packed up on me), the gropers’ committee at Computer village (as in seriously, am I supposed to be used to having some sleazy stranger cope a feel?), the bus conductors (it’s like those guys can smell me a mile away and always try to swerve me), the plenty, plenty times I have missed my way and the even more plenty times I've waka'ed!
There have been lots of good times too. I remember the lovely evening I spent at Terra Kulture with my uncle, my aunt and my cousins. There was also the wedding that involved a convertible rising out of the stage (!!!). And the time I got my first Lagos wax?! Ah, that’s another story for another day! But I just have to say that Your Spa and Fitness at the Four Seasons by Sheraton was absolutely divine!!!
These five months have been a crazy roller-coaster ride and there have been many times (okay, maybe that’s more like many raised to the power of infinity) that I have wanted to cry and tear my hair out (and maybe start my own trek across the Sahara). But I survived. I came out at the other end in one piece and I think this ruthless lover of mine is beginning to grow on me.  Hmmnn, five months under my belt, let’s see what the next five will bring! ;D


Saturday, May 16, 2015

Friday Night Waka

So, it's just gone ten on this Friday night and it's anyone's guess where I'm at.
There's a hen do on the island for a cousin of a cousin (what does that make us?!), plus there's the Karaoke bar at my office backyard. My sister has been on my case to go out with her and she's got something planned for tonight. I've even got a friend who's home sick and whom I need to go see.
With all my options for tonight, (add to that the option of staying in with a pack of choco milo and Vampire Diaries), where has this girl got her behind glued to?! The hardest, most uncomfortable seat at the back row of a sardine-can packed bus, crawling through traffic on third mainland bridge, with the bus stereo belting out "Ofondu Owendu"!

Sad, shey? Oh well, that's been my life the last couple of months and I think I exhausted my pity-party tank already. Someone really should have warned me that Lagos might be glittering but it sure wasn't gold!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

My Best Friend


My Best Friend, or London Bestie, like we like to call ourselves, is not the easiest person to befriend but I still love him all the same. I’m not the nicest dude around either, but he still sticks by me, no matter what.
Tell me, how do you keep up with someone who never picks up their phone (the damn thing has its ringer permanently turned off), What do you say to someone who never replies to their messages or never even seems to read them?! And me? I’m really rubbish at visiting or meeting up, I usually can't be bothered to make the effort. Dunno what you say to someone who never catches up with you or checks up on you even though you’re just fifteen minutes away.
Well, I guess we're both quite used to it now. That’s how we are, it’s how we roll and it works so damn well. We’re in each other’s pockets for a few weeks, months even, then we drift and go our separate ways for a bit, and then one day, one of us just wakes up and goes “hey, I’ve got a London Bestie somewhere” and we get to roll as thick as thieves again, until something happens and we end up in different cities or different priority-landscapes or just simply get caught up with doing our own things, living our separate lives. He can be the most infuriating creature alive and I know I drive him up the wall more than half the time, so I guess we’re a perfect fit for each other.
So here we are, paddies again, and I think this time, we’re closer than ever before, in the sense that I think we’ve both grown over the last few years and we both have a deeper understanding of our friendship. He seems to have a way of knowing me in ways I doubt anyone else does, my quirky bits and the downright weird stuff that get other people squirming.  And he gets it, gets me, always has. Plus I guess if your friendship can survive our kind of on and off connection for so long, the mismatch of personalities and the living in different continents 90% of the time, there’s got to be something special about it.
So, despite all the crazy in our relationship (or maybe as a result of the crazy!), our Bromance is still waxing stronger and stronger with the passing years and I’m grateful for having my Best friend. So, here’s a toast to us, BFFs forever!



Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Le Voyage_8

Part 1        Part 2       Part 3      Part 4      Part 5      Part 6      Part 7

15 months down the line…
Still fired up and roaring to go, partly from the gallons and gallons of coffee I’d downed during the night and partly from the high I got from making so much progress with my paper, I arrived on Liam’s door step at about eight that Saturday morning, freshly made jollof rice in hand. He looked groggy and disoriented when he opened the door and I felt a tiny-bitty twinge of guilt so I flashed my million dollar smile and thrust the steaming dish under his nose.
            “I come bearing gifts!” I said airily and he smiled, his whole face softening. He looked like a sweet little boy then, tousled hair and a shadow of a stubble.
“What would I do without you?” he said planting a kiss on the crown of my head.
 “That smells absolutely divine!”
            “I take it was a long night then?” I asked, taking in his really tired face.
            “Yeah. At least, I have the whole weekend off and you to take care of me.” he replied, pulling me into the flat.
I made a bee line for the kitchen and dished up some of the food. For the moment, I put aside my bit of news. I made him a mug of hot chocolate as well and returned to the living room where he’d sprawled over the sofa, already half asleep.
            “Here. Eat up and then I’ll leave you in peace to sleep.” I said scooping up a pile of mail from the coffee table so as to set the tray of food on it.  Absently, I started to flip through them.
            “How’s Nan?” he asked. “Haven’t seen her in a bit.”
            “She’s good. Miffed as usual that you haven’t been around, but good all the same.” I said without looking up from the mail.
            “I’ll charm her out of it.” He said through a mouthful and I scoffed.
            “You should know by now that that doesn’t work on her. You’re still gonna get an earful.”
He groaned.
            “I’d better come over with you then to start my grovelling.”
            “Sounds like a plan.”
            “Good excuse to spend the day with my girls!” he said and I smiled.
            “These are due.” I said setting some bills aside and throwing the junk in the bin. “You should sort them out. Plus you need to renew your car insurance.”
            “Yes mum!”
            “Seriously! Before the end of next week.”
            “Really? Next week?”
            “Yep!”
I looked at him then and he had this baffled look on his face. I shook my head laughing.
            “Don’t worry, I’ll have it sorted.” I said joining him on the sofa.
            “What would I do without you?!”
            “Nuh-huh, don’t you dare milk it!” I tore open another bill and scanned through it, making a mental note to sort it out too.
He finished his meal and took the dishes to the kitchen while I attacked the bills on his laptop.
            “Card!” I yelled out to him.
            “Righto!” he replied from the kitchen. A moment later, he tossed his wallet to me and wandered off. I assumed he’d gone back to sleep and quite forgot all about him for a bit.
            “Congratulations!” he said so suddenly that I jumped.
            “Wow, You sure know how to make a girl’s heart skip!” I said and scowled up at him. “O-kay…my heart is really skipping now” I said dryly, taking in the cupcake he was brandishing. It had a single lit candle perched on its top. “What’s the occasion?!”
            “Congratulations Candidate!” he said. “I’m so proud of you!”
My mouth dropped open as I gaped at him.
            “How on earth did you know? I haven’t told a soul!” I said finally.
            “Go on, blow it out!” he said thrusting the cupcake in my face.
When I continued to gape at him, he blew out the candle himself and skipped over the back of the sofa to sit down beside me.
            “I’m so, so proud of you!” he said giving me a crushing hug. “I knew you would smash it!”
I shook my head, trying to clear it. I’d wanted to tell him in person about the results of my Orals. I’d only just got the news the day before and he’d been on the grave yard shift again, so I’d had to wait. Seeing how tired he was this morning and remembering that he couldn’t have had more than about three hours of sleep before I arrived on his door step had made me push back the news in guilt.
            “How did you know?!” I asked again.
            “I just did.” he said shrugging. “I had this dream that you had exciting news and I just knew my girl had done it again!” he said setting the cupcake between us like a trophy.
If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he was mucking around with me. But I did. He’d had another one of his out-of-the-blues dreams and had been smack on point! I was speechless and I suddenly had the sudden urge to cry! Somehow, he’d made it feel like much more than Orals and I couldn’t have felt any better if I’d just been presented with a Nobel prize.
            “Thank you!” I managed to choke out.
            “You deserved it luv.” he murmured taking my hand. He kissed my knuckles.        “Thank you.” I said, throwing my arms around him, not caring that I was crushing the celebratory cupcake in the process.


*                                              *                                              *                                              *

           
“We’ll have to get you another cake.” I said and she laughed, pulling away from me to check out the mess she’d made on the sofa.
            “It had better be a proper one with all the trims!” she said dusting crumbs off the knees of her jeans.
            “Trims? It had a candle!” I exclaimed and she laughed.
“I’ll clean this up.” She said making to get up.
I held on to her hand, stopping her halfway out of the sofa. In an instant, everything changed. One moment, she was my smart-ass friend whom I owed a big cake and a bottle of champagne. The next, she well, wasn’t. The expression on her face told me she could feel the buzz too. It was like someone had flicked a switch and we were back at Sorrentino’s almost two years ago, only this time I knew not to mess things up between us. I gave a little tug and pulled her back to the sofa.
            “Frankie,” I whispered holding her gaze. I didn’t need a dream to tell me that this was how it should be. I didn’t think, I just said the words as they came to me.
            “I love you…


*                                              *                                              *                                              *



Then he kissed me and it just felt so right. In that moment, it suddenly became clear to me that I was totally and completely in love with this man! If I'd been attracted to him before, now I was more than certain I was in love with him. How or when or why eluded me at that moment and it felt like I'd suddenly started awake and realised I didn’t just love and appreciate my sweet, scatter-brained, intelligent friend, but I was so desperately in love with him.  And just like when I'd first set foot in my tiny attic room, I knew I'd finally come home.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Le Voyage_7

Part 1     Part 2    Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6

I watched her go up the stairs and realised I was already half in love with her. I turned to leave, wondering for the umpteenth time how a great day had turned out this way.
            “You alright Love?” Nan said from behind me.
            “Sorry we woke you up.” I said, feeling even worse than I already did.
            “I’ll put the kettle on and you can tell me what’s bothering you.” She said heading to the kitchen. I sighed and went after her resignedly.
            “Nan, you don’t have to…”
            “It’s Francesca, isn’t it?” It was more of a statement than a question. I ran a hand through my hair in defeat.
            “I messed it all up.” I said staring dejectedly at my feet.
            “I’ll be the judge of that Love. You start at the beginning and take your time.” She said bustling around the kitchen. I just stood there watching her without really seeing her, suddenly feeling very tired, like I had the weight of the world on my slumped shoulders. Nan motioned to me to sit at the kitchen table when she was done and I did so resignedly.
            “I had a dream.” I said cupping the warm mug in my hands. I stared into the brown liquid, thinking vaguely that Nan hadn’t added milk. Frankie doesn’t have any milk.
“It was one of them. I knew it was.” I heard Nan take a sip of her tea but she said nothing, giving me space to pull my thoughts together.
            “I saw her, long before she came here, before we even knew she existed!” I looked up at Nan then, wondering if she would understand, wondering if she would think I was losing my marbles like I’d thought I was.
            “The first time was a little over a year ago, after Grandpa died. I’ve had it several times since then, and each time it was always exactly the same.”
I wondered what Nan would think of that sort of seeming obsession with someone I hadn’t even known. I’d had dreams in the past and usually, they were about trivial things, like being able to tell when Mum would come home with surprise cup-cakes for me and Amanda or about the trip to Florida mum and dad were planning for the summer I was seven. Then it became big stuff like dreaming Aunt Marie was going to have a baby before she even told Nan and mum she was pregnant. I’d come to accept it, even if I didn’t really understand it. I’d learned to live with it, especially in the times when I didn’t like the things I saw, like the time I'd dreamed Grandpa died.
I told Nan about the dream and how spooked I’d been when Frankie showed up here. Nan had always been the one person I talked to about it and she always listened to me, no matter how silly or unrealistic I thought the dream was. She was the one person who really seemed to understand, right from the cupcakes up until Grandpa walking through the door that wasn’t. I also told her about how badly I’d handled things this time around.
            “I don’t know what I was thinking, heck, I wasn’t even thinking at all! I just went with the moment, now I can’t even imagine what she thinks of me!”
Del was right, I really was a big idiot!
“Well, Darling, you know your gift comes with great responsibility.” She said when I finished my little long story.
            “Huh?!”
Nan had said that to me several times over the years but I failed to see how it fit in with my current predicament.
            “It takes a great deal of discipline to patiently wait for a future you have already seen.” She continued, ignoring me. “You were given Sight for a reason William, and it definitely isn’t so you’ll barge head first into the seen before it is ready.”
She got up to make a fresh pot of tea when I failed to proffer a reply to her words.
            “Life is a journey, Love.” She continued over her shoulders. “It requires a process to get from one stage of the journey to the other.”
            “But…she was…”
            “She said she wanted to run with your dreams, didn’t she?” Nan asked, changing tracks again. I mentally shook myself, trying to catch up.
            “Well, yeah, she said something along those lines.” I replied.
            “Then take the time to show them to her!” Nan said earnestly coming round to take my hand. “She said you were her best friend, not just an acquaintance of a few months!”
My mate of heart and soul, my brother…
            “You need to earn the rights to that title. It isn’t something you lay claims to just because you had a dream!”
            “I’ve ruined everything.” I said looking across the table at her. “I lost it all.
            “There might still be hope yet, but you have to let it happen in its own time.” Nan said giving my hand a squeeze.
  
                                                *                                              *                                              *                                              *
              “Okay, what’s going through your head?” Ama asked after I’d told her the whole story.
            “Dunno…I’m just…”
            “What are you beating yourself up over this time?”
            “I’m just wondering if I came across as that kinda girl!”
            “As what kinda girl?!” she asked pointedly.
I threw my hands up in frustration. “Dunno, the sort of girl a guy makes a move on in two minutes!”
            “Wha…”
            “It makes me feel, how do I put it? Easy!”
            “Okay, stop it this minute!”
            “At first I was shocked. Then I was livid! Now I’m just tired, I want to crawl into a hole and hide.”
            “Francesca, you listen to me!” she said sternly and I had no choice, I had to do just that. “Get all that nonsense out of your head!”
For some reason, I had the urgent need to cry.
            “What if I sent out the wrong message? What with the whole silly Mark Petersburg thing!”
            “Sweetie, don’t do this!”
            “I feel like such an idiot!”
            “Don’t make this thing what it isn’t.”
            “It’s almost been a week and he hasn’t been here, not even to see Nan. Even I know a brush-off when I see one, I’m not that dumb!”
            “Well, if he’s avoiding you, that’s because he probably feels bad about the whole thing, like he should!”
            “I dunno, I just wish I could…”
Just then, there was a knock on my door. We both frowned and looked in the general direction of the door.
            “Who’s it?!” Ama asked in a dramatic whisper.
            “I have no idea! I’m not psychic!”
            “Well answer!” she retorted.
Yes ma’am! Sometimes I wondered why I put up with her bullying.
There was another knock on the door, louder this time.
            “Frankie?” Well, talk of the devil!
            “Go on then! I’ll call you later.” She said finally ending the skype call.
I took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Hi!” I said, feigning a nonchalance I was far from feeling.
            “I come bearing gifts!” He said holding up two bottles of milk. I couldn’t help it, I smiled and it eased some of the tension I was feeling.
            “Come on in, I’ll make us some coffee.” I said and he returned my smile.
            “Frankie,” He said, hesitating in the doorway. “I just want to say sorry about last week.”
            “No, I …”
            “Sorry I acted like a jerk. I want you to know that I respect you way too much to intentionally do anything to insult you and that your friendship means a lot to me.”
            “And your friendship means a lot to me too! I just hope I didn’t come across the wrong way or…”
            “No you didn’t. I got ahead of myself and I’m sorry. Can we just put it behind us, start over?”
I smiled. “I would love that very much.”
            “Great! My name is William Harding. It’s my pleasure meeting you!” he said offering his hand.
            “I’m Francesca, but everyone calls me Chesca.” I replied taking his proffered hand.
            “Hmmnnn, I think Frankie suits you better.” he said and I laughed.
            “That’s a boy’s name!”
            “Says who?"
            “Chesca’s just fine, or Chezza like Bells says or plain old Francesca!”
            “Nope, Frankie it is!”
            “Whatever! Are you still up for the coffee?”
            “It’s a bit late for coffee, I’ll be up all night.
            “Cheerios then?!”
            “Haha!” He said sarcastically. “By the way, I told Bells the full story about the Cheerios.”
            “No you didn’t!” I gasped.
            “Yup, and I bet by now, she’s told the others.”
“NOOOO!!!!”
“Expect never to hear the last of it.
            “I’m so going to kill you for that!”
He had the audacity to laugh at my threat and I wanted so much to throttle him!
            “Hey,” he said when his laughter subsided. “Friends?”
I smiled, heaving a contended sigh. “Yeah, friends.”